12 weeks

People really do say the most stupid, thoughtless things when you’re pregnant. I was talking with a group of women after church when Maggie, a seasoned mother of four, started speaking rather loudly to an expectant mother next to me.

“Honey, if you’ve been throwing up a lot, that’s good, ’cause it means your baby’s healthy.”

Excuse me, but I haven’t been sick once, and I don’t appreciate the inference that if I’m not tossing my pickles and ice cream, there’s something wrong. But instead of blurting out what was on my mind, I took a more tactful approach. “I haven’t been sick at all,” I murmured.

Talk about instant change. Maggie immediately went from staunch and authoritarian to concerned and apologetic. “Oh, honey, I’m sure your baby’s fine.”

Later, Bonnie and I commiserated over lunch.

“Ellie, don’t worry about it. I heard the most ridiculous things when I was pregnant. ‘If you have lots of heartburn, it means your baby will have lots of hair.’ I supplemented my diet with Tums and both my babies were bald. ‘If your stomach’s upset, it means you’re having a boy, because it’s a scientific fact that the male hormones make you sick.’ I had morning sickness with Amy and none whatsoever with Matt. So much for science.”

And old wives’ tales.