Ha! We just got two balance transfer offers in the mail that will give us a fixed low rate for the life of the loans. I didn’t waste any time calling Main Bank to see if they would match the offers and was immediately transferred to the rates department.
“Hello, this is Terry, how may I help you?” asked a milquetoast monotone.
“Hi, Terry, this is Ellie McAllister. I have in my hands two balance transfer offers for the life of the loan at a much lower rate than the one we currently have with Main Bank. Can you match these?”
I tried to understand Terry’s reply, but the answer sounded about as clear as the teacher’s voice in the Charlie Brown cartoons.
“So that’s a no, then?” I guessed.
I didn’t have any trouble understanding the answer. “That’s correct.”
Chip had been listening to my side of the conversation and picked up on another extension. “Hi, Terry, this is Ellie’s husband, Chip. You do realize, don’t you, that we’re going to go ahead and make these balance transfers, and then your company won’t profit at all, right?”
“Sir, once you make the balance transfers, then we’ll call you back and offer you a zero percent rate for the life of the loan.”
Chip looked at me, stunned. “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely,” Terry said.
“So why can’t you go ahead and do that now?”
“Sir, we can’t match the rate on a balance transfer offer when the items on your account are regular purchases.”
It was maddening.
“But I’m telling you we’re going to make the transfer if you don’t match the rate,” Chip said. “Wouldn’t it just be simpler to go ahead and give me the zero-percent interest now instead of spending time and money trying to buy our business back?”
Terry’s nonchalance was astounding. “Sir, I understand what you’re getting at, but that’s just not how things are done in the banking industry.”
Chip rolled his eyes. “Okay. If that’s how the game’s got to be played, then that’s what we’ll do.”
I wasted no time in making the transfers.
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